There is No Giving Up in Surrogacy

A featured piece by Halie, a Gestational Surrogate at Vermont Surrogacy Network

The never-ending question…

“How will you give it up” – The answer to this question, my friends, is simple…. It’s not my baby and I am not “giving up” anything, I am simply giving.

Many women listen to this explanation and still say “I just couldn’t do it, carry a baby for nine months and then give it up” but what I think they mean to say is “I could not carry a baby for nine months and then face the fact that it is not mine”, my response to this is – that’s ok, but I can.

My sons have my blue eyes. Brodyn has my everything – my sass, my constant need to know it all, my uncontrollable habit to always have a plan; Flynn has my urge to snoop at Christmas and birthdays, my atrocious singing voice, and my admirable ability to drop it low. Today and every day we share DNA – in fact, we share everything (because it is impossible to have anything to myself with those two hyenas).

The baby I am carrying will have none of these things. He may be connected to me, sharing my nutrients on a day to day basis and of course, our romantic nightly dates knelt over a toilet- but he will not have my blue eyes, he will not have my great aunt Lois and he will certainly not have my dance techniques pumping through his veins.

I did not plan for him, I am merely a part of the plan. I did not yearn for him, I do not have dreams for him – he is not mine. I am not his parent and I do not share the deep love I have for my two babies with him.

He has a dad – one that shares that deep love, one that has tirelessly planned for him, yearned for him – and although I do not know what kind of dance moves he possesses, I do know he is an amazing man with so much to share (including his DNA). This baby is his son, his hyena.

I am not “giving up” a baby, I am giving a human being the ability to have a baby – and I am absolutely ecstatic about it.

This man did not give up on having his son, I did not give up on my dream to experience surrogacy, the fertility clinic did not give up on achieving pregnancy and I am certainly not giving up a baby. There is simply no “giving up” in surrogacy.

-Halie, Gestational Surrogate