How to Get to Know Your Surrogate

Three female friends enjoying coffee, smiles, and conversation at an outdoor cafe.

Establishing a genuine connection is one of the most important aspects of the intended parent-surrogate relationship. It serves as the foundation, fostering trust, understanding, and mutual respect throughout the entire process.

To help you, we’ve put together ways to build a genuine connection and get to know your surrogate on a deeper level.

Communicate Openly

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and the surrogate-intended parent relationship is no exception. From the initial stages of the process, establish open and honest lines of communication.

Be transparent about your expectations, hopes, and concerns

Throughout the surrogacy journey, there may be moments of uncertainty or emotional challenges. By maintaining clear lines of communication, you can address these issues together, finding solutions and offering support.

Encourage your surrogate to express her thoughts and emotions

Actively listen to your surrogate's thoughts, feelings, and needs, and validate her experiences and perspectives. This level of empathy will create a safe space where everyone can freely express themselves, ensuring all decisions are made collectively and with everyone’s best interests in mind.

Check In Regularly

During the surrogacy journey, it's essential to stay connected and involved. Regular check-ins, whether through phone calls, video chats, or in-person get-togethers can help strengthen your relationship.

These interactions provide opportunities to share updates, discuss any medical or emotional concerns, and simply connect on a personal level. Show genuine interest in your surrogate's well-being.

Kayla C shared how she and her family created a connection with their Intended Parents:

We video chat frequently, with and without my children, but the in-person time we spent together was really valuable!

Jennifer C. also found that getting together helped build a strong bond:

Nothing beats spending time with someone in person. Sometimes distance can affect that, but if the parties are close enough having at least one or two good in-person times together is the best.

This lays the foundation for a more meaningful relationship that extends beyond the surrogacy journey itself. Sharing stories, experiences, and laughter helps build a genuine friendship and allows for the development of a lifelong bond centered on mutual respect and care.

Go to Appointments Together

Whenever you can, make an effort to attend medical appointments and ultrasound scans with your surrogate. These moments are precious and offer a chance to witness the growth and development of your baby firsthand.

This shared experience allows you to celebrate milestones together, whether it's hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time or seeing their tiny features on the ultrasound screen. These moments can evoke a profound sense of joy and gratitude, further strengthening the connection between you and your surrogate.

Beyond the medical aspects, attending appointments together also provides an occasion for informal conversations and lighthearted moments. While waiting for the doctor or during the car ride to the clinic, engage in friendly conversations that delve into personal interests, dreams, and aspirations.

These casual interactions help cultivate a sense of camaraderie and friendship, reminding you that the surrogacy journey is not solely focused on the technicalities but also about forging a genuine bond rooted in shared experiences and mutual care.

Together, you can celebrate each milestone, fostering a sense of unity and shared purpose as you eagerly anticipate the arrival of your little one.

Connection and Inclusion

Inviting your surrogate to be a part of your family's life creates a sense of belonging and reinforces the notion that she’s an integral part of your support system.

Whether it's attending a family gathering, sharing a meal together, or participating in a cherished tradition, these shared experiences strengthen the bond and create lasting memories.

Sarah W recalled one of the ways she built a connection with her Intended Parents:

We did dinners via Zoom!

By treating your surrogate as an extended family member, you demonstrate your appreciation, love, and gratitude for her selfless act, creating a warm and inclusive environment for everyone involved.

Beyond special occasions, share updates about your family's activities, achievements, and day-to-day life. Inquire about her well-being, ask about her own family, and engage in conversations outside of the surrogacy journey.

By integrating her into your family's life, you build a foundation of mutual care and friendship that goes beyond the initial surrogacy agreement. This inclusion not only enriches your lives but also creates a support network where your surrogate feels valued and connected even after the journey has concluded.

Remember, your surrogate has played an extraordinary role in bringing your child into the world, and by inviting her into your family's life, you continue to honor and recognize her immense contribution. The shared experiences, celebrations, and everyday connections solidify the bond you share, creating a lifelong relationship that is rooted in gratitude, love, and the shared journey of creating a family.

Express Gratitude and Stay Connected

Never underestimate the power of expressing your gratitude. Throughout the surrogacy journey and beyond, make it a point to regularly show appreciation for your surrogate's selflessness and dedication. A simple "thank you" can go a long way in acknowledging the profound impact she has had on your lives.

Take the time to send thoughtful gifts or handwritten notes expressing your heartfelt thanks for her unwavering commitment. These gestures of gratitude will not only make your surrogate feel valued and appreciated but also reinforce the deep bond that has been formed.

Moreover, staying connected after the birth of your child is equally important. Share updates and photos of your little one's milestones, whether it's their first steps, their first day of school, or any other special moments.

These updates not only allow your surrogate to witness the beautiful life she helped bring into the world but also ensure she remains a cherished part of your growing family.

By staying connected, you continue to nurture the relationship that began with the shared goal of bringing your baby into the world. Your surrogate will undoubtedly appreciate being a part of your lives and witnessing the love and fulfillment that she has helped bring into existence.

Nurture a Lifelong Bond

Surrogacy is a profound, lifelong connection rooted in gratitude, trust, and selflessness. Using these suggestions, you’ll be able to get to know your surrogate and cultivate a relationship built on open communication, genuine appreciation, and inclusivity.

Don't hesitate to take the first step towards parenthood through surrogacy - reach out to us, and let us help you navigate this incredible journey together.